My redheaded six year old daughter informed me when I came home from work, “Daddy, I want to show you something!” She’s lost three teeth, one in the very front, and of course she is by far the cutest six year old currently to exist. (Her older brother held the title until he turned 7.) She wanted me to watch a new talent she had gained: the ability to ride a bike down a hill without losing control. Quite an accomplishment for her age.
It got me thinking about how often I wanted my own father to watch something I did. Or when I was 14 how important it was to me that he attend my baseball games, or at least see each at bat. I had to allow my brother the privilege of having Dad watch him also, and when our games were simultaneous, it presented a significant issue in our lives. Dad stood on a hill between both fields and watch us both at the same time. (He also made sure to point that out because we couldn’t see him in the stands.)
Or when I played basketball in High School how much I wanted my Dad to be there, or be proud of my achievements in the sport, which were moderate at best. But his knowledge and approval were of incredible importance to me. And even to this day I sense within myself a desire for my father’s approval of my activities, though they are now of much greater significance than breaking my scoring record. I think many of us could say the same.
“Hey Daddy, watch this!” is a phrase every father is very acquainted with, because we hear it multiple times a week, if not daily. In my case, with eight children, I am pulled in multiple directions (sometimes literally) each evening to give my acknowledgment to everything accomplished in the days activities. After arriving home I am bombarded by attention (which I like) which are essentially requests for attention. (Which I usually enjoy giving. Being a dad is exhausting!)
Why is this important?
Why do we value the observation of our fathers? Why does the smallest child want daddy to watch? I believe God hard-wired this desire into us so that the values of the father would be passed on to the child. What the father delights in will be the pursuit of his children.
This of course causes a great deal of influence to be placed at the feet of fathers. Those children want daddy to watch, because that gives them a sense of self-worth and accomplishment. They become confident and healthy adults when they have been given affirmation from their fathers. (Moms, you have a lot of influence also, but this is about fatherhood.)
Identity
I think that all of us, in our relationship to our heavenly Father, should derive our sense of accomplishment and self-worth from Him, thus making us free from the crippling effects of the Fear of Man, or guilt, or pride. What He thinks of me is most important, and it should be the place I find my identity.
Perhaps all children get a sense of who they are from their fathers. This means the father that is absent creates a deep wound in a child’s life that can only be overcome by Divine power. (Which has happened millions of times since the beginning of time. Do not lose hope.) But the impact of fatherhood upon our sense of self, our identity, is clear.
Scriptural Guidance
Here are a few passages from the Bible that pertain to this topic:
Malachi 4:6 – “And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.”
This is the last verse of the Old Testament and predicts the impact that John the Baptist will have on the hearts of fathers and children. It teaches us that good relationships between fathers and children protects the land from destruction. The evidence of the truth of this verse is all around us, every day.
Proverbs 17:6 – “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.”
Fathers are the glory of children. I usually think of “My dad can beat up your dad” but it truly applies to our topic. If a child says within his heart “My father delights in me”… their future is glorious!
A child “glories” in their father, meaning that our father’s work, his interests, his accomplishments, his identity, his name, his values, are all things that a child wants to be proud of and will usually adopt in their own life.
Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
There are so many ways that a father can provoke anger in his children, and that is why Paul warns us to beware of such activity. Not providing affirmation in addition to instruction and correction can provoke anger. Feelings of “I’m never good enough for Dad” are easy to provoke in our children if we are not praising them enough.
Bringing them up to follow the Lord is a pivotal role for fathers in the home. Mothers do also, but parenting is not a one person show. Our influence to point them to Christ is one we should not take for granted. Dad, no matter where you are currently in your child’s life, my desire is to challenge you. Not condemn you. Your influence has not ended and you have the opportunity of making an eternal impact.
Being absent from a child’s life can provoke them to anger. And watching a device (phone, tablet, TV) instead of watching our children can make you functionally absent. Put the phone down and watch the cart wheels, the bike tricks, the Lego creations, as many at-bats as possible, the award ceremonies, the report cards, the graduations, the work achievements, the marriages, the grandchildren… all the things your child is doing.
Then you will die. And you will have helped a child become all God intends them to be. You will have given them one of the greatest gifts a father can bestow –
Just watch!